why did i go down this path
As I started getting older and having even more freedom I decided to start working at the age of 13. Yes I was really young when I started my first job, by the time I was 15 I had 2 jobs. And continued to have 2-3 jobs at a time up until I was 28. How I managed it, I have no idea. This was also around the time of my first boyfriend, I call him my high school sweetheart because we really did have that kind of love. We were on and off through my teenage years and we still are friends to this day.
I started working in the local mall and the mall became my life. I worked whenever a shift was available. I was taught if I wanted something I would have to earn it and jumped on it. Being in the mall I started to hang out while I wasn’t working. I became a mall rat, and yes the movie was so popular back then.
I became friends with others that hung out at the mall from all over the area. I feel like this is where I really built my network of friends. I started hanging out with people much older than me and at the time the rave scene was big. My nights would soon be filled with parties and how I could get into clubs underage. I decided to become a promoter, hand out flyers and help the organizer. It got me in with a whole new crowd of people. I went to parties all over the tri state area. I found myself the youngest in the room everywhere I went. I smoked, drank and tried to act older anyway I could. I had an absolute blast with the people I met along the way.
I did meet a group locally that was made up of such a mix of kids. A couple runaways, criminals and serious party kids. I even dated one of the well known party kids and expanded my network of friends through him. These kids did anything to get high including chugging robatussin or popping dylsum pills. Around this time was the first time I did acid and with a group of people walked the city street until sunrise. I was 15 and had to call my mom to come get me. My mom and I had a relationship where I could tell her anything no matter how bad it was. She told me she would rather help me than me suffer trying to hide it.
Over the next couple of years I got pretty bad. I drifted away from my friends I went to school with and grew up with. I was partying every weekend, trying new drugs. Pretty much doing everything I wasn’t supposed to. When I was 15 I bought my first car and my mom aloud me to drive with just my permit. I had a car, money and freedom. I had tons of friends and was always doing something exciting. Every teenagers dream.
I dated some pretty bad guys including one that got me to help him sell drugs and even rob a drug dealers house. I watched him smoke crack, pcp, he was addicted to this lifestyle. We were so bad together and it ended pretty nasty. His temper was so bad he became abusive and at the time he was living at my house. My childhood friends that always protected me packed all of his stuff up and delivered it to where he was now living. They wanted me away from him and I’ll forever be thankful they pushed me to get him out of my life. He is the only ex I never stayed friends with and I’m glad we kept it that way.
While I was doing whatever I wanted my mom was up to her old ways. She started dealing again, and when I say dealing I don’t mean moving small amounts of product. She was pushing a lot of heroin to dealers. She was a supplier and doing well. I was barely around and she hid it well so it’s not like I was sitting around with my mom bagging it up. I never saw it just knew about it. Heroin wasn’t talked about back then like it is now. What I did figure out that I now can’t believe was she was selling to 2 seniors in my high school. They obviously didn’t say who I was or my mom was there supplier but I would sometimes cross paths with them at my house.
This was right around when I found out my mom had cancer and looking back now I see why I was acting out so bad. I was always in trouble in school, I got kicked out of my high school and had been sent to all day vo tech when I was a sophomore. After my relationship ended badly, I decided to focus on work and get myself away from those people. I hung out with people that the hardest thing they did was drink and that was always in a safe place. I spent my weekends playing pool and was really getting into cars. I feel like I went through a huge change because of one friend and I’m forever thankful for her making me a better person when I needed it. But just like everything in my life it was time for my life to be shaken up. I went to a party, got really drunk and needed a ride home. The guy dropping everyone off took everyone else home and then me to his house. I will never forgot how confused I was. I don’t remember all the details but this is why it is important if someone says no, you stop. The man dropped me off at home afterwards and acted like nothing ever happened, I didn’t tell anyone for years and when I did I found out he did the same thing to her. I was suffering in silence for so long and ashamed of what happened.
That really messed me up and to have someone act like nothing happened. This person was supposed to be my friend and he took advantage of me. It changed me, I know that but I moved on with my life. I managed to graduate high school in summer school but I did it and enrolled in college as a promise to my mom. As crazy as I thought my life had been, it was about to get even crazier and life as I knew it was about to change completely.
When I think back to all the people I have met it is pretty crazy that I have had the ability to connect with so many in such a short amount of time. I can honestly say I kept in touch with most of the people I have met and built a huge network of friends personally and professionally. I have such a good memory I can remember so many small details about everything that I have went through good and bad. I find myself often taking a walk down memory lane.
Until next time
Xoxo