When did I become the crisis friend?

The definition of crisis is a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger.

This phase has only came about over the last year while working with my therapist. I had found myself asking why do my friends disappear when they are happy? Why am I always expecting more from the people I call friends?

It’s funny because someone once asked me why can’t you call a specific friend up and just make plans? My answer was she’s busy, I didn’t want to bother her. Thinking back I always accommodated to almost every friendship. I was always just there when they needed me or I would be making an effort to be there.

It’s a horrible thing to say and this is not all my friends but this has happened enough that my therapist noticed it. People are drawn to me when they need help. When they need advice, to vent, help. But once that is not needed it’s radio silence. I am always happy to help or listen. I do feel special that I am needed and it never really bothered me until I needed “me”. I needed my crisis friend and while my 2 friends that I know I can count on no matter what happens to me. They were both busy, dealing with there own lives. Here I am truly needing help for the first time and the girl who helped everyone felt like she had no one.

I never minded being the crisis friend. I know I know a lot, I listen well and I’ve been through so much that nothing phases me. I have come to terms with me being “that friend”. I am just not the one they call to celebrate successes with or reach out because they are happy, I am just not that friend in there eyes. Maybe people think because I am so strong that I do not get affected by it, but I do. My heart aches sometimes when I think about it. Like I should be flattered that I am that goto person, but I always find myself being disappointed.

I did learn I need to stop allowing people to make more withdrawals than deposits. I had to step back and really look at the friendships I have because I was expecting more from others because I could give more. Just because I can, doesn’t mean I always should.

So where am I going with this? Honestly I am not really sure. Maybe check on your friends, the strong ones that never need anything. Even the strongest people need a crutch sometime. I never ask for help but it doesn’t mean I’d say no to help when offered. The easy thing to say is, Pay attention to your friendships!

I am a firm believer in always making sure people know how you feel about them. I pay attention to details, I go out of my way. I want to be remembered for what I did for others. Last year I hand wrote thank you cards to each woman that helped me through my postpartum time. I put a lot into my friendships, because I care.

I did an experiment not that long ago and stopped reaching out to people to see when I was contacted. It was during those crisis moments and at that point I knew and I decided it’s ok. But I now put more focus in specific friendships because I know who I can rely on now and I am much happier.

Xoxo